Follow the NudgeSay their name
When you ask about someone who died by name, you honor the life they lived.
One of the greatest heartaches for a grieving person can be the fear that their loved one will be forgotten.
Most people tend to talk about death by naming the relationship. “My dad died.” “My cousin died.” “My wife died.” Giving a griever the opportunity to say their name out loud is a very powerful gift. By saying or asking their name, you create an opportunity for the griever to talk about them and share stories and memories. If you know their name, continue to use it. If you don’t know it already, it's OK to ask what their name was.
Oftentimes, there is a fear that talking about the deceased person or talking about the fact that they died will make the grieving person more upset, but we know that, actually, that's not true, that it often feels really validating and comforting to have someone bring up the topic of the death, because inevitably, the grieving person is thinking about the person who died, so it actually can be really helpful to bring that up and talk about it openly.
During our interviews for Speaking Grief, we noticed people’s expressions completely change when we asked them about their loved ones by name. It was incredible. Take a look:
